如何有效地与人谈判?

原文:How to negotiate more effectively with anyone

作者:Penelope Trunk

翻译:OneLeo

During my first job interview, my mom drove me to 31-Flavors while we practiced interview questions.

在我第一次找工作参加面试的时候,我妈妈开车带我去31-Flavor进行面试练习。

One question we did not practice was “How much money are you expecting?”

我们没有练习过的一个问题是:你期望拿多少钱?

When the ice cream store owner asked, I said, “Well, my parents are cutting off my allowance for the summer so I’d like twenty dollars a week.” That seemed like a lot because I wouldn’t need money for school lunches.

当这个冰激凌店店主问我这个问题时,我回答:“嗯,我父母从我的津贴中扣掉部分放在夏季里,因此我想一个星期二十美元”这个数字看似很多,因为我在学校吃午饭是不需要花钱的。

Later, my mom pointed out that I gave a number so low that it would have been illegal. In the end, the owner paid me minimum wage for a 40-hour week, and because I had asked for so little at the beginning, by the time I was a doing the job of a manager I was making less than some scoopers.

过后,我的母亲指出来说我给的这个数字太低了,看上去是违法的。最后,店主付了我一周40个工作时的最少薪水,那是因为我在一开始开价太少了,到我做经理的时候, 我赚的钱甚至少于手下。

So I quit, and moved to a pizza parlor where I got extra money for cutting the salami with the machine that cut peoples’ fingers. It wasn’t until later in my career that I realized there are established strategies for salary negotiations, and if you follow them, you will likely get the salary you deserve without risking the loss of a limb.

因此,我放弃了,并且转向一个皮萨店,在这里我可以得到更多的钱做意大利香肠切割机。直到我职业生涯的晚期,我才意识到其实关于薪水谈判是有既定的策略的,如果你能够遵守这些原则,那么你将有可能得到一份你渴望的薪水.

I got a lot of practice doing that in my twenties – having about ten jobs in ten years. I got a sense of who would negotiate and who wouldn’t. I learned to read people in business. And then I realized that you can use these skills for a lot more than just salary.

我在二十几岁的时候得到了很多锻炼,在十年期间里我做了十分工作。我对于谁会谈判而谁不会已经有了一种直觉。我学会了在商务会谈中如何读懂别人,并且我还意识到,其实你可以把这些技能用在更多的场合而不仅仅只是薪水的谈判。

One of my bosses gave me the book Getting To Yes. He said the book would help me manage because every management moment actually has implied negotiations.

我有一个老板送给我一本书:Getting To Yes。这本书将会对我的管理有益,因为任何一个管理的时刻都相当于一个隐含的谈判。

When I went to couples therapy with my husband, the therapist assigned us reading. (Who knew therapist assigned books?) But guess what it was? Getting to Yes.

当我和我的丈夫去参加夫妻疗法时,这个治疗师安排我们读书。(谁知道他会给什么书?)猜猜怎么着,这本书就是Getting To Yes。 

It was a great idea. Because then instead of paying a therapist to entertain our insane ideas of changing each other. We learned how to make the other person feel happy about giving us what we want by making sure that they get something, too.

这个主意不错,与其付给这个医生用一些娱乐的疯狂的主意来改变我们倒不如这样读一本书。我们学到如何让对方给我们我们想要的东西却感到开心——他们也得到了某些东西。

So I was excited when I had the opportunity to interview the author of Getting toYes, William Ury. He’s director of the Global Negotiation Project at Harvard, and his new book is The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes. Here are his five best tips for doing well in negotiations.

因此当我有机会能够拜访Getting To Yes 的作者William Ury 时,我是异常兴奋的。 他是哈佛全球谈判项目的导师,并且他的一本新书:The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes 中有5个对我们谈判的最好的提醒。

1. Take a break.
Ury calls this “going to the balcony” in order to get a big picture handle on what’s going on so that you are not getting too worked up over irrelevant details. He says, “
When we negotiate when we’re angry we give the best speech we’ll ever regret.”

1. 稍事休息

Ury 把这称为“走向阳台”,为了能够使我们对于正在发生和讨论的事情有一个更好的图画表现出来,以至于你不会被一些毫不相干的细节所累。他说:“当我们在生气时进行谈判,我们会说出令我们后悔一辈子的话。”

2. Know your BATNA.
This is negotiator-speak for “best alternative to a negotiated agreement.” That is, if you have to walk away, what’s the best you can get? This tells you how much power you have in negotiations. The person who needs the agreement the least has the best BATNA and the most power.

2. 知道你自己的BATNA

如果,你输了,你还能得到什么?这个说明在谈判中你有多少优势。越是不需要协议的人,越有着更好的BATNA,越是有利。

3. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
Ury describes negotiation as an exercise in influence. “You need to change someone’s mind, so you need to know where they are right now.” This means listening more than talking. And the first question to ask is Why. You will hear their needs, but you need to know the underlying cause for the need. For example, if your boss wants you to work a 16-hour day. To negotiate with your boss, you need to understand why – what needs to get done in those hours. Maybe you can get it done a different way.

3. 换位思考

Ury描述谈判犹如是影响力的一个练习。“你需要去改变某人的想法,因此你需要知道他们是怎么想的。”这意味着,要多听少说。而且你要问的第一个问题是为什么?你将会听到他们所想要的,但是你也必须知道他们为什想要这些的原因。举例说明,如果你的老板想要你一天工作16个小时。如果与老板就此事谈论时,你需要弄明白为什么?在这些工作小时里,他们需要你做些什么呢?或许你可以换一种想法去思考。

4. Learn to say no.
“In order to get to the right deal, you need to be able to say no to the wrong deal. Saying no is fundamental to the process of negotiation.” 

Tip from the department of great-if-you’re-him: Warren Buffet once said that he doesn’t understand “getting to yes” because he just says no until he sees a perfect yes. Buffet says you only have to give four or five great yes responses in his work in order to be a billionaire.

4. 学会说不

“为了能够得到一个不错的协定,你需要有能力拒绝一些错误的协定,因此,学会说不是一个谈判过程中的基础。”

great-if-you’re-him小组给的建议是:Earren Buffet 曾经说过,他无法理解“Gettting To Yes”,因为他会一直说“不”直到他认为那是一个完美的“是”。Buffet 说:要想成为亿万富翁,只需要在工作中能说出四,五个关键的“是”。

5. Be clear on your values.
For those of us who might not see a perfect yes, deciding on no is more complicated, and we have to be really clear in our own minds about what we value and what we need. Sometimes a no is surrounded by a deeper yes. For example. You say yes to the values, no to the tactics and yes to going forward. Ury calls this a positive no. But he warns that if you’re in doubt, then the answer if probably no.

What I take away from Ury is that good negotiation is a combination of good self-knowledge and good people skills. And, not surprisingly, this is the combination that gets you a lot of things in life.

There are opportunities in each of our lives to practice negotiations constantly – even, as Web Worker Daily points out, in email. You can do it with a spouse, with a boss, with your neighbor who doesn’t clean the yard. The better you get at the small stuff, the easier the big moments of negotiation will feel.

5. 认清自我价值

对于那些暂时还没有一个完美的“是”,而又踌躇于不知是否说不的人,我们必须弄清楚自己的想法,知道自己的价值和明确自己的需要。有时候一个“不”其实是被一个深深隐藏的“是”而包围的。举例来说:你对对方的价值观是肯定的,对于战略则否定,直到肯定了才会继续谈。因此Ury认为这是一种积极的否定。但是,他也提醒我们如果你在徘徊,踌躇之中,那么答案很可能就是否定的。

因此,我从Ury那里得到了什么呢?我知道一个很好的谈判其实是一个很好的自我认知和良好的人际交往技巧的结合。当然,毋庸置疑,这也是你生活中所经历过的事情的综合体现。

其实,在我们的生活中,总是有无数的机会让我们不断进行谈判练习,甚至,如Web Worker Daily 所指出的,哪怕在写邮件的时候。你可以和你的配偶,和老板,甚至和你那个不清理院子的邻居练习。在小事情练习的越好,在大事情谈判时就越有把握。

译者的话:

谈判时一门艺术,谈判时要沉得住气,要明确自己的价值,明确自己想要达成怎样的协议,在此基础上先听对方的阐述,然后找到切入点,把自己的观点摆出来。毕竟,这是谈判,谈判的最佳结果是达到双赢的状态,而我们如果没有表明自己的立场的话,谈判将会有失偏颇。

[余世维 有效沟通] II

前面有介绍过,有效沟通的原理和原则等理论,这这一讲中,我从余老师所讲的内容里,归纳了几点并做了一下自我理解:

沟通的过程是一个编码和解码的过程。

编码(coding)就是如何把你想要表达的信息用一种方式表达出来。

解码(decoding)就是听者在听到你讲的内容之后如何去理解。

所以,沟通的第一步是要编码,如果编码都不正确,就更谈不上理解的正确性了。

于是,影响编码的4个条件也是影响沟通的条件:

  • 技巧:大家都知道,说话就是一种技巧。为什么同样一件事情,有的人跟你说,就会让你觉得很恼火;而有的人跟你说,你就会觉得,嗯,不错,就是真么回事。我们生活中不免会碰到很多这种情况。有时候,我们自己都会埋怨对方为什么不能换种方式讲话呢?所以,讲话的技巧是第一步。
  • 态度:大家总说态度决定一切,尽管余老师是以甲午中日战争为例,是以“到口的肉没有咽下去,痛苦的很”来说明态度的其实是沟通的一种筹码。其实,态度可以涵括多个角度。对人说话,是否是一种诚恳的态度,博得对方的认可和信任?在一种剑拔弩谈判环境中,一种强势的态度难道不是一种必要么?在犹豫不决的会议尾声,难道一个当机立断的态度不是一种必要么?所以,什么样的态度也取决于什么样的一种沟通环境。
  • 知识:是必要条件。一个人有着对公司产品的丰富的专业知识,一个管理者有着管理方面的最先进的管理知识,一个决策者要了解目前最先进的市场形势等等。这些都是体现了知识的重要性。
  • 社会文化背景:在沟通之前,我们一定要了解沟通对象所在的深会文化背景。即便不需“入乡随俗”,但是从对方地生活习惯,思维习惯入手,进行沟通一定会达到事半功倍的目的。

在从编码到解码的过程中,我们会经常发现扭曲这个现象。也就是说,通常编码者要表达的信息在传递到解码者的时候,大部分的内容已经在图中被扭曲了。而在扭曲的这个环节中,余老师着重讲了开会这个案例,即我们所谓的“文山会海”。

我们中的大多数人,都深恶痛绝着开会。在学校的时候就是,老师在上面开会,校长在上面开会,而同学们就只能呆呆地坐在下面一言不发。到了公司,同样又是,主任开会,经理开会,主席开会,反正一说到开会大家都会认为,就是坐着听就可以了。如此一来,会议就如形同虚设一般,并没有达到我们预期的目的。

所以余老师,在这里对开会做了很值得我们大家学习的7W原则:

  1. 谁参加:可以分为“必须参加”和“随意参加”。事关这次开会议题的人,是“必须参加”,而这些必须参加的人,就已定要发言。而“随意参加”,就是有的人想听听,就来听听,听完就可以走人,发布发言不时强制要求。余老师,甚至连会议室的布置都改了,类似于国外法庭的布局。
  2. 谁主持:主席,导言人和观察员。
  3. 谁控制:主席控制全场的会议秩序,因为主席是最有威严的;导言人是控制会议时间,因为会议的主要内容是导言人主持的;观察员是控制会议全场的,因为他通常是纵观整个会议议程。
  4. 谁先发言:正确的流程应该是:由下而上,由外而内。总经理是应该做总结以及陈述性的工作。之前的讨论以及发言都是由下面的人发起的。
  5. 谁负责和谁追踪:一个会议不可能开完了就完了。会议的记录,会议结论的贯彻和实施都要有人监督的。
  6. 谁在浪费时间:会议要讲求效率,而不是漫无目的地开上几个小时而没有任何结果。
  7. 谁结论:就算再艰难的议题,在最后大家都没有讨论出好的解决方案的时候,总经理也要事先把自己准备好的答案,当作一种解决方案提出,这是作为不时之需。当然,上面的人要充分相信下面员工的聪明才智的。